The Authorpreneur

 Warning..... 18+ You have been warned!!! I looked at the phone in my hand for some minutes as I turned on my bed, planning my next move  The excitement of getting a new phone was eclipsed by what I was about to do So, putting on my latest expensive transparent black gown carelessly on my thin, fit and light skin body, I waltzed out of the bedroom like a woman with a goal and went straight to the house next to mine I knocked twice and listened  In minutes, I heard a voice call out... "Coming..." Then a lazy slap of feet on tiles followed, you could tell from the sound and vibration approaching the door that it was not an ordinary feet but two strong legs hitting the ground with power The door opens in slow motion and an average height, chocolate skin young man just getting past his mid 30's but still looking prime and delicious, zero beards, strong jawline and broad shoulders, sitting on a rather large chest, stood in the doorway, surprised to see a beautiful young lady i...

I have always found Tony, my boyfriend, fascinating His write-ups and rants about bad governance and patriarchy got me wet and awestruck every single time I visited his timeline  Whenever he wrote a piece on Facebook and Twitter, he got thousands of likes and comments I always read every comment, especially from women who were mesmerized by his writing prowess I was once part of such women until I decided to shoot my shot, and, like cupid, I hit him straight in the heart A simple "Hello, I've read and enjoyed all your stories, maybe you could write ours someday, hope I'm not overreaching?" I had to drink almost a full bottle of bailey's to find courage for that stunt, and today, we are celebrating 8 months of the best love story ever. He was my Mr. Perfect, everything I could ever ask for and more It wasn't surprising when he asked me to join him and go for the peaceful protest here in Lagos, and like a love-struck puppy, quickly I jumped up and said yes That ...

 He exists The man who loves you as you are Who isn't afraid of your stretch marks  Who isn't intimidated by your thick thighs or your Chubbiness  Who finds your plus size an addition And then finds your addition an addiction  Who is excited by your every bit of extra Who sees your body as an art A Masterpiece worth keeping  One, even the great Michael Angelo couldn't sculpt enough He exists We exist Plus size isn't a condition  It's an addition  Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

After work, I jumped into a bus as few others climbed in after me and soon the bus drove off I noticed the guy sitting by the window next to my left looked so sad, there was no trace of a smile on his face I decided to cheer him up Why I cared, I will never understand "Hi stranger," I smiled He didn't smile back, just looked at me wondered what had gotten into me "What will I do to make you laugh?" I asked He smiled then "See, progress!" I said and he laughed and showed yellow teeth I wasn't discouraged, I was enjoying this game so I began telling him jokes and narrating my life story in a comical way He was laughing and laughing all through the gist Then he stopped laughing and looked at me in the eyes " God please, do not toast me!" I begged God in my mind aware that I will give him premium snubbing and shunning that might make him relapse back into depression As if he read my mind, he started crying "If you like cry blood, I will ...

Nigerians love sex The average Nigerian is so obsessed with sex they sit waiting for the next sexcapade to drop their pants and cum all over the place I have been following this current BBN with less enthusiasm than I did the last one In fact, I get most of the gist from the highlights on social media I will jump in full when it has gotten to the middle That’s when the real drama starts unfolding BBN is always sweetest in the middle But the thing is, whenever I’m watching, nothing exciting happens But when I don’t watch, I start seeing videos of fights, gossip, juicy revelations, and even sex As though they are waiting for me to go off before they act drama Anyway, back to the gist of the matter Nigerians and sex I find it funny that when a man and a woman fuck, it’s the society that cums on their behalf! Worse, it is the woman that is dragged Praise and Ka3na fucked, yet bloggers started digging into Ka3na’s background On a scale of 10, Ka3na was gossiped at level 7 while Praise got l...

For some women, marriage is their greatest support system In some cases, only support system If every other thing fails, marriage is the last resort I have a friend, she is engaged, and the date for her marriage has already been fixed Her fiance lives abroad They just got engaged because according to her, his mum wants him to marry an Imo state girl, and she is from Imo state. That's his reason Hers is... You will find out soon, keep reading... Oga lives in Germany and my friend lives in Nigeria She is so happy, in fact, the day he proposed, she almost fainted Not out of love, even though she claimed it is But out of relief Finally, she gets to leave poverty and Nigeria Get this... She was in a relationship with a Nigerian guy She was in love with him before German brother came into the picture and she realized it was a situationship It took weeks to jump ship Switched to new guy even without meaning to Circumstances just happened Her parents are poor and can't support her Her ...

Be direct!  There's a sexiness, an allure, an attraction that comes with directness Directness is a service that costs nothing  Instead of expecting people to read your mind and figure you out Be direct with your intentions  Be direct with your expectations Be direct with your demands Be direct with your feelings Be direct with your love Be direct with your hate Sometimes, just say it as you feel it Negative or positive, be direct with your energy  Don't be a riddle Don't speak in proverbs or hints  Be an open book for once  Be direct with your confidence And save yourself and everyone else, time Be direct and save time!  Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne 

There are certain things you can bring to the table that mustn’t be skills Sometimes what you can bring to the table might just be speed Or a smile Imagine every time you are sent on an errand you come back faster than others with a smile on your face Another time it might be tenacity, doggedness even resilience Your employers know that if you are asked to go and get something, you must come back with results You don’t mind going there every day until the people get tired of you and answer you Something that has nothing to do with programming, IT, science or Arts You only have to distinguish yourself, not with skills but those things that doesn't require any special skills, but discipline It could be your sound attention to details in your tasks How good you are when it comes to noticing and picking out the minutest thing in something as simple as writing reports or taking down minutes in a meeting Or how meticulous you are in the mail you sent, ensuring there are no errors at all ...

I and my neighbor had a misunderstanding over a minor topic Uncle took it personal Stopped greeting me, and even stopped answering my greeting I wasn't pained, after all salutation isn't love, and besides, who greeting epp The one that pained me is the fact that since our quarrel, he always comes back with bread for everybody in the compound except me And he knows I love bread  In fact, I love bread die Bread is my best food This uncle works in a bakery close to our compound, the biggest, where they sell the only kind of bread I eat Sardine bread The one that shocked me is that he stopped selling bread to me, and told his colleagues not to sell to me It was that bad Any time I go there to buy bread, if he is the one selling, he will tell me it has finished  I will be seeing the hot, sizzling, fresh, sweet smelling, rich, succulent and Juicy bread with my two eyes  Uncle will tell me it has finished  Or it has expired, I will be like, give me like that, he will refuse...

*Longshot* "Aim!" "Fire!" kraaakkkk kaaaaaaaa krrrrrrrr!!! Sounds of gunshots rendered the air as six policemen died, all tied to the drum and shot by their comrades. Six corrupt policemen once again killed on the orders of the new police chief, totalling 600 since Nonso was elected Police chief read the Star Newspaper. The biggest and most popular newspaper agency in the country. Nonso holds the record as the youngest police chief in the history of the Nigerian police force. And the most lethal. He singlehandedly ended the reign of terror by the SARS operatives, totalling disbanding the unit, executing most of them to the dismay and utter disbelief of the local and international community. How can one man weild so much power, and why is the presidency backing him up. But Nonso was not just any man, Nonso was the man you called to clean up a mess and he did it without leaving a trace of stink nor stench. At 35, his resume was a reflection of unsurpassable exploits a...