The Authorpreneur

™ A friend of mine woke me up with a story... Her mum's birthday was that Sunday and she wasn't gonna wish her a happy birthday because she was upset with her. She spent the entire Saturday night Cooking and preparing fried rice, salad dressing and different assorted meatballs and chicken. By the time she woke up that Sunday morning, her mum had gone to church. It wasn't long when she heard the door bell ring, it was a visitor. The stranger had come to make enquires about a vacant flat the mum had decided to rent without her knowledge. She was shocked! Apparently, the mum had decided to rent the vacant flat and didn't even discuss it with her nor seek her opinion, instead she was waiting for the elder brother to come during the afternoon for her birthday party so she could seek his opinion and advice. The mum didn't even bother informing her to know at least if she was comfortable about the decision to rent the house. Mind you, my friend is a ...

I boarded a bus early in the morning, and took a seat at the back of the bus. I was gunning for the window seat but a smart looking beautiful young lady beat me to it. In no time the bus was filled up and the driver started the bus while the conductor immediately started collecting the bus fare. "Hi, I said with a smile to the girl sitting by the window seat, please you are stepping on me could you adjust your feet just a little bit?'' I asked politely and with a smile. "To where?" She asked rather rudely Her question shocked me. Seconds passed before I regained myself. "Any where other than my feet, madam." I responded with a tinge of sarcasm. She gave the loudest and longest sigh as she shifted her feet, even a python would have been impressed. "Was that really necessary, it's too early in the morning to be this toxic, I'm not even asking you to move your whole body, I'm simply saying move your foot away from my fe...

"Fight for your marriage..." The greatest con ever! Marriage is not a boxing ring Wedding ring isn't boxing gloves 🥊 You don't have to fight for your marriage. If you have to fight for your marriage Then you are in the wrong ring. Marriage isn't meant to be endured but enjoyed If you aren't enjoying your marriage If you can't even remember why you got married Why you screamed and laughed like a hynea when he proposed If your regrets are more than your blessings And your nightmare more than your sweetdreams It's time to reevaluate and change corner If he makes your eyes wetter than your vagina You are in the wrong ring Stop accepting minimum wage as premium quality Do better before you say "I do!" It's 2020, the beginning of a new decade...have sense. Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

Every disappointment is a blessing to the hustler It began with a side remark or a taunting statement. Hmmm, we go rich too o. We go get boyfriend wey get money too o. "Or we go snatch am..." They will giggle. "One day God go bless us like some people o, even if we no deserve am." My neighbors will taunt. Dragging the words like a drunk. Their words dropping flat like a child running and falling on slippery tiles. They weren't even hiding the sarcasm and envy. The devilish witches and gossips. Sometimes it was so obvious, without even looking I could feel their hot eyes and sneer on my back. Ngozi, Adesua and Tola. But what did I even do? I simply went to ShopRite and got bread and beverages. Also my boyfriend used Ocar to take me to Domino's pizza where we bought pizza, everything not even up to #5,000. Yet I live in the same self contain house with this single mothers and married women. Ngozi was the only single one, ...

My lips may be shy And my tongue holy But my fingers are no saints Like my hands, they love their sin And together they outnumber 10, My fingers are eleven Bringing all past the gates of heaven And seeking for what is sweeter when closed but isn't theirs Las las they are not afraid of finding temptation In the end, with poetry they lead temptation, making a saint out of even the devil. Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

Sometime ago, a client asked me to define love with a story that didn't sound like a cliche, they were testing me. Days passed and I was still racking my brain just to find the right story and earn my money and reputations worth. You never know how hard love is until you start finding it, also you never realize how complicated love is until you are asked to define and describe it for someone else that isn't you but will pay you. I was almost thinking that this day too will pass without any original idea for a description, but it seemed fate had a hand for me to play, whether it's a winning hand or a losing one, I was about to find out....and so are you. In fact, I'm gonna let you all decide and describe what love is from the story I am about to share. So weekend came, and after having breakfast and taking a cold shower, I waited till it was almost noon and then I headed out. I didn't want any inconveniences neither was I ready to stand for a second ...

Delilah's Curve Genesis Today I watched him from my bedroom window, long arms, strong legs, a smile that brought warmth to my soul, running with the grace of a God while my eyes ran all over his manly features, a real man in a boy's body. He was playing with his friends, oblivious to the eyes stalking and following his every movement with laser sharp gaze. I was even scared to blink, for fear of missing a second of the God I had come to start worshipping with my lust ever since I saw him naked, stark naked in the pool at night when everyone had gone to bed and I couldn't sleep. There he was, with an erection so hard he could break an egg with it. It was one of those nights my husband, Pascal, was nowhere to be found, I called and as usual he was out clubbing with his friends and lover, leaving me all alone to watch Telemundo and Zee world then off to bed, wet, creamy, dripping and lonely. I decided to go take a swim in the pool and kill the insatiable urg...

Your definition of serving God should not be anybody's expectations or experiences. Your idea of serving God should not be what anybody tells you. Your demonstration of Christianity should not be fueled by another's validation and orientation. Don't serve God to satisfy man! Serve him because you are at peace with your belief. Serve God for your purpose not another's validation. Don't strip your Christianity to clothe a false humanity. Nobody knows God more than Jesus, and I don't see Jesus walking around. I see men, women and children walking around with a divine price tag. And guess what!!! We all cost the same. Because the same price was paid for us all, the  same pint of blood was shed. When Jesus shed his blood, he didn't give two pints to pastors and five to Pope and reverend fathers. God distributed the blood of Jesus equally. So I see men, women and children walking around with the same amount of God's DNA in them....

They asked me if I've ever seen a star before Not the ones that sing on TV or acts in movies But the one that shoots through the cosmic and sits on the constellation Lighting the night and dark clouds with sparks and illumination Yes I said, I have been to the stars and I have pictures. Prove it they cried. So I brought out an old photo of you and I. Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

I walk farther Than my legs can travel Go further Than my vision unravels Fight longer Than my mates do battle So I may finally arrive at the first you, not this second I can't handle.

Sometimes pain doesn't go until you have learned.

I never believed in miracles. Then I met you.

Most first dates are like a fresh warm bottle of pure spring water But you were no pure water, you were a bottle of exotic red wine.

Relationships are businesses! Plain and simple!!! To have a mature and productive relationship you can understand, you need to have a sound business mind. Else...your relationship is damned from the get-go. If you don't understand your relationship, you are being cheated already. Just like businesses, a relationship sole goal is conversion. Most ladies want to convert their boyfriend's to husbands. Some guys want to convert the woman they love to wife. Other girls just want to convert the pot belly, rich looking zaddy to sugar daddy. The handsome stranger wants to convert the beautiful damsel to fuck mate. The call girl wants to convert the guy that loves patronizing call girls to customer. Yahoo boys want to convert the oyibo to maga. Everybody wants something that caters to their interest. Sexual or financial! In the end, either it's sex, money, both or companionship. We are all in the business of conversion, one way or the other So whe...

I cringe when I see posts where people advice others about dating a comfortable man. Please is there a man that wants to date an uncomfortable woman? Or people praying for you to marry a successful man, please who will marry the unsuccessful men whose mother's are praying to marry and have grandchildren? If you are not comfortable yourself or successful, then you have more important things to think and worry about than a pot belly and a small dick with a fat bank account. Just make money and see how irritated you will be when that same man that you saw as your messiah and that of your family, comes around looking for you. Except he is Ned, Dan or Ote...my dear just make money and see how clearly you will wish to unsee. You won't only go Peter on him and deny him, even your family will become Judas to him and help you crucify him. If it's sex you want, then you will have a pool of choices to pick from, all at your beck and call. Religion won't be powe...

Serial Ranter So once again, I decided to take the mini yellow bus to my place of work on a hot Monday morning. Sharply dressed in my corporate wear, looking all trim and prim, I joined the other passengers and queued up to wait for the next available bus. We were orderly and organized today, and besides it was convenient for me to use this bus today and not request for taxify or O'ride as I was wont to do. I just had to be economical since we have a president who is more interested in marrying a second wife than making life easier for Nigerians who didn't vote for him but were conned into accepting him. Even though I'm always of the opinion that we deserve the president we have because the average Nigerian reasons from their anus, we still deserve better. Even shit deserves a better package. The line was very long, but it was worth it. Those that were queuing didn't have two heads. Halfway through the journey, the conductor began his usual routine co...

Serial Ranter In the usual mad rush to beat the next available person and gain a seat inside the unusual scarce buses in the morning, I noticed an elderly man, standing helplessly and unable to compete with the younger and much more heavily built youths all around him. Men and women, even kids all rushing, stepping on themselves, pulling one another's clothes without a care in the world and hurling insults at one another without even bothering about the elderly man, standing hopelessly. Indeed this generation is worse then Sodom and Gomorrah I thought. I was sick to my stomach at the sight, so I walked up to him, asked him where he was headed and fortunately, he was heading my way, so I told him to stay close and waited for the next bus, and as it came, I fought like a wounded tiger, pushing and scratching and finally succeeded in securing one spot, immediately I gave it to him, he climbed in and I couldn't get in as the bus was filled up. I felt fulfilled that instan...

There was this time like that when I was still in Junior Secondary School, I think it was in JSS2 or so, I can't be too certain but one thing I cannot and will never forget is the incident that happened to me. It was the day the thief became the owner, and the owner punished instead of the thief. It was on a very hot afternoon, our break time was 11:30am to 12pm and so once it's 11:25am, our system was already shutting down and preparing for break time, we were just waiting for the time keeper to go and do his/her job and ring the bell. Unlike the oyibos, who once the bell goes off, students stand up and leave whether the teacher likes it or not, here in Nigeria, if you dare leave while the teacher is still in the class, you are finished. So I went out with my classmates and friends to go and queue first and buy my favorite, one sausage roll #20, one buns #20 and one bottle of zobo #50, the remaining #10 was for chewing gum. My lunch money was always #100. Some ...

At the bus-stop she stood majestically, under the stars as the moonlight and traffic light fought for her attention. Eyes the color of emerald, able to freeze a man's heart and pause even giants strides. More powerful than Medusa's gaze, hers breathed life. You can't lie to those eyes, they speak louder than truth. Brown hair on brown skin, perfect blend of passion and lust, I can already imagine pulling those silk like strands singing down her back as I push harder into her, skin to skin, dancing to the rhythm and melody of her long brown braid sitting at the tip of her bottom. My eyes travel up and down her long narrow bare legs, spread wide as she takes a stance at Iife, daring all to come and conquer while I stare from the safety of my car. Hips, sweet, curvy and smooth like ancient pottery. I imagine my hands on the smoothness and softness of those well rounded depth, the size my hardness and bulge aspires to and can't reach yet. Sweet Jesus, she has ...

She wore the Burqa that day, the long veil women who practised her religion wore with a blind sense of loyalty and obligation wore. Wearing her garment like a badge of honor. She walked with her shoulders high, her face cloaked with pride and unwavering strength in the face of adversity and condemnation. From her head to her toe, she was clad in black, yet her heart was more pure than most...The burqa bespoke art! Like a bride walking to meet her groom. No skin showed, her complexion was impossible to tell, even her shape to an extent. But her gracefulness leaked from the silhouetted frame that escaped when the wind blew a kiss towards her direction as it fingered her garment. It would have been beautiful if it wasn't measured from the standard of a biased and fanatical world. Never rushing, she edged on. Her steps, calculated like a last word. She was hidden from the world and to her, the world was to be seen behind a veil. What better way to see a world ...