A Must Read You Must Read

Serial Ranter

In the usual mad rush to beat the next available person and gain a seat inside the unusual scarce buses in the morning, I noticed an elderly man, standing helplessly and unable to compete with the younger and much more heavily built youths all around him.

Men and women, even kids all rushing, stepping on themselves, pulling one another's clothes without a care in the world and hurling insults at one another without even bothering about the elderly man, standing hopelessly. Indeed this generation is worse then Sodom and Gomorrah I thought.

I was sick to my stomach at the sight, so I walked up to him, asked him where he was headed and fortunately, he was heading my way, so I told him to stay close and waited for the next bus, and as it came, I fought like a wounded tiger, pushing and scratching and finally succeeded in securing one spot, immediately I gave it to him, he climbed in and I couldn't get in as the bus was filled up. I felt fulfilled that instant.

He couldn't stop thanking me with smiles and prayers in Yoruba, I nodded and smiled even though I couldn't understand a word because I'm not a Yoruba guy and I can't even speak my own language talk less of yoruba.

Then as the bus started moving, he reached out and gave me N200, immediately I declined, he smiled and insisted by stretching it out again and urging me to take it, again I declined and told him he shouldn't worry, for the third time he now said, ''My son, take it o, you go need am las las.''

I didn't know if it was a curse or a blessing, probably just a poorly educated elderly man who didn't know how to express himself well, so again I said. ''Thank you baba but please don't worry.''

Now the bus in front blocking theirs had moved and so his own now moved too, and as it moved, he smiled widely and waved at me, I waved back and he kept smiling and laughing... Suddenly something didn't feel right, maybe the way he was smiling but I stopped smiling and waving and couldn't shake the feeling off that something was weirdly off.

The smile was weird, I quickly checked my penis, it was intact, I swore under my breath for even thinking it would be anywhere else.

Then like an electric shock, I checked my front pocket, my phone was there thankfully, then I checked my back pocket, lo and behold, brothers and sisters, my wallet was gone.

Baba had stolen it.

He was not a helpless old man, he was an old thief looking for the vulnerable and kind hearted to steal from.

In the chaos and rush, he had picked my pocket.

I bursted out laughing, I laughed and laughed and laughed until tears started coming out from my eyes then I started crying.

People started shifting away from me at the bus stop. In their minds, I'm sure they would say weed or shisha, but I could care less at that instant.

My last N3,200 was in that wallet, and thank God I stopped carrying my ATM cards because of the men in black, yes police... I fear police more than armed robbers...So, apart from the 2 pieces of condom and N3,200, there was nothing else inside, not even ID card. I hate this country so much I don't carry the yeye ID card after I got it.

Baba was actually offering to give me my own N200 from my own money he stole while I was busy trying to help him.

And he was right, las las I don need the money.

I cried because nobody send me.

I cried harder again because I knew nobody will help me, I wouldn't help me if I looked as sharp and clean as I did and was begging Tfare.

I would say in my mind ''dem don cum again, corporate beggars.''

So, I ordered ORide instead. Thank God I still had money inside my account.

Once again, I was proven right that indeed Nigeria is the anus of the world.

We are all mad in this Lagos.

Work of fiction o!!!
It happened in my mind. I don't have condom in my wallet pls.


Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
Authorpreneur
www.ofunneceo.blogspot.com