One of the worst spaces to be in Nigeria is either a police station or a hospital.
If you have never been to any of these two institutions, you don't know what God has done and keeps doing for you.
Just pray every day to God never to let you be in a situation where you might have to visit the hospital or get taken to the police station.
If you are involved in a fight, please run.
Be the coward, run!
Live to live another day.
Don't live to fight another day
That Fight can either land you in a hospital or a police station
Each is synonymous with Hellfire
Trust me, that's one heat that isn't worth it
It's one heat you can't stand even if you leave the kitchen
Don't form Agu
You are not Lion
They will cage you
And humble you at last
The other day, I was almost engaged in a fistfight with a passenger
It wasn't my fight initially, he was attacking a girl.
He touched her hand in a bid to get her to notice him and exchange numbers because he paid her transport fare.
She slapped him and cured him of the entitlement mentality he had and uncle wanted to defend his defeated and deflated manhood... with the tool average is known for... violence
The English speaking gentleman suddenly switched and became a loose mouthed, uncultured Yoruba demon.
"Because I touched you, you slapped me, who are you, is your skin made of gold?" He asked pained
"Don't you ever touch me with your Corona infested black fingers" The girl retorted.
"You dey mad, oya return my money, born bastard, asewo (prostitute) wey I wan help."
"Help who, have you helped your life. Poor moron, did I ask you to pay for me, so you think because you paid a wretched #150, I will give a dog like you my number. Even if I have a bone, I won't give you." She cursed.
"Your mama is a dog, your father is a dog, all your generations are dogs, you whore!" The guy shouted, still holding his face.
I couldn't take it anymore so I faced the guy.
"How dare you use such foul Language on her because she refused to acknowledge the size of your weak and small balls, you think calling a woman asewo makes you a man, you must be very bitter and frustrated with your life."
Uncle changed it for me sharp sharp, and wanted to exchange blows.
I could have taken him out easily but I have sense.
He released the first slap, I ducked, he released the second, I blocked with my fist and he held his hand for some seconds in pain, all this was happening inside the bus.
The girl was shouting and insulting him, but hiding behind me.
The driver, conductor and other passengers were shouting.
Uncle now stood up o, threw a punch at me, I ducked again and it hit the guy sitting on the other side in his left ears.
The guy stood up, a big guy and engaged him immediately, saving me from that altercation.
I was saved from landing in a police cell or hospital.
The other guy threw two punches, caught uncle on his upper lip, spilling blood, while the second connected with his chest.
Baba collapsed, bus stopped and the guy was immediately held and grabbed by conductor and passengers.
"You don kill am!" Everyone shouted.
"He never die, na faint e faint." Uncle was explaining, holding his head as if he knew he might be lynched any second.
In my mind, I'm like that could have been me.
I had to quickly come down and enter another bus.
The second I entered, I noticed the girl that started this whole drama was right behind me on the new bus.
"Your money!" The conductor asked in their conductor razz voice.
"Don't worry dear, I'll pay." It was the girl whose honor I had just defended.
She was smiling at me and opening her purse.
What I needed was a massage but this is a start.
"It's fine really, but thanks all the same," I said.
My ego wouldn't let me, so I paid my transport fare.
"Real gentleman. It's okay lady, I'll pay for you since the gentleman refused your offer, I hope you won't refuse mine."
A lanky looking fellow said smiling and paying for her.
"Thanks, she said smiling and accepting his offer."
I looked at her in shock and she looked at me and winked.
Goodness is this the witch my grandmother used to warn me about that went around causing havoc!
Once bitten, twice shy!!!
This time around, I jejely put on my earpiece, raised the volume of my music to its maximum and looked out the window.
I swear if this is deja Vu, I will not be a victim twice.
If you like make dem call you grandmother of asewos you go fight your fight yourself.
The End
Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
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