While playing dice with feelings, I realized that many people put in their whole life and mind trying to win it, maybe forgetting it's just a game of win or loss. When they lose the game that should have just been a thing of fun and perhaps have little hurt as human being, they end up losing themselves and feelings too. This makes them wear scars of hatred for themselves and the people they once loved.
Chinonye got depressed after her three years relationship with her boyfriend ended on a sad note. She really had a hard time moving on with 'her life'. And when I asked, she said she needed someone to teach her how to love herself.
Really? I was aghast, at the same time furious on how love bankrupt one can be, allowing a fallible human being to become the reason for your happiness when there are a thousand other reasons to live. It would have been a better thing if she found a sweet reason to die than live and wait for the potter - still clothed in flesh - that would put her back together again.
In this part of Africa, where marriage has become a gold mine especially for the women, people have lost their lives mining, only to find out that marriage isn't necessarily an emerald, but a stone well carved and painted. Carved by words from married persons on their overly hyped moments of affection and painted by their far wishes and fantasies. "It's all about finding a partner. It's all about loving and being loved equally or partially. It's all about 'having a man or woman' and little or no attention is paid to the intricacies of one's existence, one's indispensable existence as a human being." What pains me most is the fact that women have been made to believe that their sole purpose is to get bought and raise a family. They sacrifice just too much; their dreams, their body, their identity, their culture, their wants, even their beliefs, all because they want to earn the society's approval and respect by answering a 'Mrs'.
The provenance of such demeaning idea to the marginalized set of humans — women— has disrupted the growth of society without us knowing. Men think they own women and women think they can never amount to anything without men. C'mon, we all want to feel special to someone. It's a natural human feeling; but forgetting our true essence on the alter of love is not worth it. A guy has to grow abs to feel accepted, the lady has to stop eating pork — even though she likes it— to look sexy for the guy. Our lovers and admirers have become our topmost priority consciously and unconsciously. We don't have to sell ourselves for a cheap plate of affection.
While love make things go round, there's a unique purpose for life that shouldn't be forfeited. Trying to pursue love with the whole of your strength and end up licking your feet at the end of the tournament can really cost you everything you stand for. It is quite imperative to find yourself, love yourself and be very stingy with your love for your person so a third party can only contribute. Most ladies have become so poor that the only thing they can offer is good sex and children. Sometimes, I don't blame them because that is what they have been made to believe that they were bought to do. Other times, I think they're foolish to have accepted their definition from random culture and society.
Love becomes bankrupt in it's inability to give all round growth in a relationship. It owes the lady freedom to access a plethora of success for herself and not relying on a penis to pay her debts.
Love becomes bankrupt when "I love you" becomes the reason for marriage, other than a purpose to pursue together. Making "I love you" so poor a person that it can only afford affection and no witty conversation to sparkle ideas for innovation and all round personal happiness.
Love gets in the red when a man cannot live his life fully without doing it for a woman and vice versa. When all you do is believe the best or worst of yourself because your spouse said so and not because logic and facts breathed a word of it to you.
I solemnly suggest we try living for ourselves while pursuing affection. If we can add meanings to our lives and define it's purpose, love will then be rich to supply us the purest of affection and companionship. Your bills is for you to pay and not for love!
©Achi Gp Nuel.
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