I hurriedly jumped into the taxi, next to a figure, gender unknown as the car was as dark as the night sky, in seconds, two other ladies jumped in after me.
"It's complete, we are already three," I said to the last lady struggling to sit and asking us to adjust.
"No, na four we dey carry," the driver said.
We indeed, as though we were all owners of the car and had agreed before now that the car will accommodate four passengers rather than the three it was designed to carry.
The gender of the figure next to me became clear, it was a young lady, beautiful as I noticed from the light that shone on her face from the oncoming cars and street lights.
"Hi" I said.
She ignored me and put on her ear piece.
"Typical" I muttered, Nigerian girls...always warring with the world and building walls against an invisible attack. I shook my head in disgust and embarrassment.
Soon I rested my head against the seat and put on my earpiece too, increasing the volume and silencing the world
Closing my eyes and drifting away to the loud and sweet melody of my CeFlix Tunes playlist. It was a long day, so much activities and events, it was nice to finally be done with all the chaos even though I was facing the last hurdle...Lagos traffic.
Suddenly, I felt a nudge and opened my eyes to see the lady that had ignored my greeting waving her hands over my face to get my attention, I could see her from the light coming in from the other vehicles driving towards us.
Removing the left earpiece, I listened.
"Could you move a little and stop resting on me," she said with hostility.
Fuck me Jesus, I sighed. Did this witch have a problem with me I wondered.
"Excuse me, I replied...move to where exactly?"
"I don't know she said, just quit resting on me."
"Sweetheart, incase you have a problem with your sight, let me define our situation for you. We are four in a car that is supposed to carry three. You are resting on me as much as I am on you and everyone else, so close your mouth and enjoy the N100 worth of service you paid for. Don't disturb my sleep again, else I'll make this trip a nightmare for you."
She was shocked.
"Order Taxify or uber if you want comfort, it's foolish to expect first class comfort in a commercial vehicle, especially the one you paid N100 for. Be warned." I ordered.
She was speechless and utterly embarrassed.
I could tell from her silence...so I smiled a satisfying smile, put my earpiece back on and closed my eyes again. One, one, I thought to myself.
Revenge indeed is sweet when served immediately.
I was woken up with a resounding slap.
"Yes, very good." The voice sounded like the girl with the attitude.
"Talk now, she repeated. You have seen your mates so you can't talk again."
"Aunty abeg now, leave am." The driver begged.
"Make una no kill am abeg, e never reach that extent." One of the passengers spoke.
"What's going on?" I asked, scared and confused.
By now my eyes had cleared and I noticed we had not only stopped, but other car had stopped too and people were beginning to watch the scene unfolding... Shockingly, I was the main character.
It was a police checkpoint and I had fallen deeply asleep, I didn't notice the car stopping and the girl coming down, until the policeman had woken me up with a slap from outside.
"So you are the cultist that threatened my girlfriend, the armed robber that has been terrorizing people?"
"Rapist!" the second one said and cocked his gun
"Me?"
"No, your father, come on come down!".. And with that he dragged me out from the window even though the door was wide open.
I was dumbfounded. "Please I'm a pastor, I begged.
Jesus ooo" I wanted to start speaking in tongues but I didn't know how to again in that instant.
"Sebi its N100 worth of service abi..she asked. Today you will learn how to treat women and speak to them with respect.'
"Aunty I was playing with you I begged, I have learned already. Please help me beg her." I reached out to the other passengers and the driver
"Shut up, who is your aunty...please let him strip down naked and frog jump, I want to record it and post it on Facebook." She touched her police boyfriend on the head.
"Ahh...mogbe o!"I screamed in yoruba, even though I was Ibo.
"Oya you heard her, off your clothes!" He barked.
"Egbon abeg, e never reach like that"the driver pleaded
"Shut up there, you dey mad, abi you wan join am?" The second police man cocked his gun again.
People had already started recording and videoing the scene.
I remembered putting on my torn boxers that morning because it was the only clean one remaining, the rest were dirty.. And my singlet was not just old and worn out, but had stew and oil stains on it that had refused to go since I stained it months ago.
I imagined my video going on instablog and gossip naija, hell..even Linda Ikeji. so this police brutality I had always heard about and added voice to the condemnation, I was finally gonna be a victim?
I rather die than expose my self and my torn briefs and underwear, I swore. I rather die here than give these men, these animals in black, barbarians who are supposed to work for the people but end up bending them, the pleasure. I would die first than surrender my nakedness and dignity on a concrete dirty ground.
Taaaaww! It was as if he heard my thoughts as the slap came again.
"Off your cloth abi you wan die here." He pointed his gun at me. His breath, reeking of kai kai.(local gin)
Immediately, all will gone, I stripped naked, and then everyone started laughing and pointing their fingers at me... I started to cry, and cry and cry until the girl with the attitude suddenly started singing so loud in my ears, she began shaking me uncontrollably!
"Wake up joor and stop sleeping on me. Do I look like a bed to you. Arrogant man."
It was a dream!!!
"Aunty, I am sorry!" I begged in relief and fear.
"Who is your aunty...please you are older than me uncle." She said.
"Ok, sister, I am sorry please forgive me." I kept begging.
The driver laughed, even the other two passengers laughed and one said, "Two of una sef..husband and wife."
"God forbid!" the girl with the attitude said. I can't marry my fellow woman." She said
"Follow am go house first before you decide" the driver defended me.
"Na by that thing.. Man wey dey talk like woman na woman na" the woman in the front seat said.
"I am sorry for what I said earlier, that's not my nature OK. I had a long day and the driver didn't make it any easier by inconveniencing us like this, please forgive me for being rude to you."
I could feel her relaxing. She then looked at me properly and smiled, "It's fine."
"How can I make it up to you?" I asked... Encouraged by the smile.
"You can pay my transport fare, that at least will improve the service for me." She kept smiling.
I laughed and everyone in the car laughed too.
So I paid for her and just then we got to the bus stop.
"I am Kingsley, may I have your number please?" I asked.
"I'm Rita, and no you can't. But thanks for paying and apologizing. You are a gentleman." Just learn to control your temper. She advised.
Quickly, She came down and hurried off.
I was dumbfounded.
"You can have my number." I turned and it was the driver, smiling.
"God punish you, werey ni..." I sighed and walked away cursing myself for wasting N200 when I still had another N100 to pay for the bike fare that will take me home.
Kai...I just wasted N300 this night instead of N200... Money I would have used to buy chin chin N50 and coastal biscuit, five for N50 or even indomie.
I was an Igbo man after all.
Moral: Treat women with respect, you never know who they know.
Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
Authorpreneur
www.ofunneceo.blogspot.com
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