This is not a love story about loving parents and happy family, if that is what you are looking for
STOP right now and ignore.
I started life neutral I think, growing up with a choice to be either a religious person or a non religious person, ours was an irreligious home. My father never believed in pastors and so never went to church. My mother she tried, but she wasn't always in good health to strongly ensure we were firmly rooted in one church or the other, I don't know if I should say it's a good thing without sounding evil and insensitive but I do know there is no textbook to raising kids, whatever works for you and works for the kids sanity and safety is your golden rule, save it.
If your kids are well fed all the time, if they are protected and kept safe from paedophiles and sex freaks, in school learning and not begging or working the streets, Hawking, if they are not bent at such a young age by the hard life of poverty you chose without their consent, if they are not saddled with the responsibility and role of giving you hope for a good life at their expense....
That's your golden rule and the only textbook you need to employ, use it.
Never feel bad or terrible at your methods because your neighbors, mother in-law, village people says otherwise. Do not be coerced or intimidated into being a stereotyped parent, I repeat do not be coerced or intimidated into being a typical Nigerian textbook parent.
If you want to be strict to your children and it's working for you, fine carry your strictness and go.
I have two kids and they call me by my name, Kingdavid not daddy, If they commit as kids must do, I don't scream down the house infact I don't even know how to flog again, if it gets too much at times I call them small witches and they call me big witch so I correct them, I say no big wizard, they repeat big wizard, I scream...what, you are calling your father a big wizard and they laugh that cute laugh kids have and say, are you not the one that called us small witches first, and so we laugh and play. The end! I learned early to stop being a parent only and start being a friend too till they get to their teens and adulthood. It's working perfectly for me, it might not be a perfect method but it's perfect for me.
My neighbour has 5 children, the eldest is two years older than my eldest, the parents beat them everyday for one reason or another, everyday they beat them yet everyday they still commit and get beaten, if the mother shouts and the child accidentally rolls her eyes...DEAD!
"You are looking at me bad eye!" The mum will rave...DEAD.
Well it works for them and so when I and my kids are going out hand in hand gisting and laughing, the kids are staring with amazement and Surprise at the camaraderie and love their parents never even express towards themselves not to talk of with them.
Growing up I swore I would not grow old because of my children and their tantrums.
I tell my kids everything and they in turn tell me everything, from sex, dating, drugs and boys and I tell them about women and pregnancy and price of pampas and house rent and how loud babies cry and poo.
I don't scream at them, God forbid, I don't shout, beat, insult, no let me rephrase, CURSE...
I don't curse them and embarrass them in public. Most parents will shout and curse and even beat their kids in public or in front of their classmates and age mates, thinking by embarrassing them in front of everyone they are teaching a lesson and passing a message...hmmmm... God of war, Queen of thunder and lightening, Mama Lion...well-done sah!
I love and respect their feelings and protect their self esteem and in turn they are as confident and outspoken as Lionesses in the midst of chickens.
But you, mother dragon, slave of one man, loyal to male authority and single dick, housewife and slave of one short penis but a threat to your children's sanity.
Pouring out your anger and hatred of your marriage, husbands infidelity and poverty on innocent children, yet every night instead of you to muster courage and strength and change the status quo, you instead change position with your husband and produce more children adding to your anger and frustration.
If it's your style and it's working, by all means keep it up.
My father came visiting and one day my daughter used left hand to serve him food, he went mad with rage, I said papa calm down, stroke o.
He said what nonsense, what am I teaching my girls, left hand.. I said papa she is Lefty, besides what is wrong, if you don't like it teach her and correct her with love. I called her, I said "sweety,"
She said "yes Li"...Li is short for Lion, if they aren't calling me by my name, they call me Li because I told them I am a Lion. Yes. Don't get it twisted, they call me dad, daddy or father but when they want and if they choose to.
So I said, "Papa doesn't like it when things are handed to him with left hand because of his beliefs so please respect him and use your right hand whenever you want to hand something over, okay.?"
"Alright, I'm sorry papa."
Case closed. Why belt a child over unnecessary crap.
A cup falls and break and I'm to kill my child, when I have more I might never use. "Sweety are you hurt?"
"Nope"
"Are you sure?"
"Yep"
"Alright sweep my floor and clean the spill so your sister doesn't fall, and be careful next time please."
"Loud and clear general." And we smile, why belt a child for nothing.
My aunty came to spend some days and she asked my daughters to cook beans for her, they burnt it.
She raged!
I told her, "Aunty, calm down. The girls can't cook beans, they hate beans."
"They are women, why can't they Cook all the dishes."
They are girls I corrected and because they are not chefs or training to be world class cooks they can't possibly know how to prepare all the dishes.
If you like beans and you want them to cook for you, teach them.
She called them, took them to the kitchen and in 30 mins or more the beans was ready and from that day till she left, they prepared beans for her countless times and never burnt it again. Simple. It didn't take a SAT exam to learn, so why bicker over something so irrelevant.
I don't know how to cook, you say I'm a man but I live alone with them, I don't iron well, I don't even know how to sweep with precision but I'm supposed to kill myself because my kids can't boil yam?
If they are hungry, won't they fry, roast or burn it if they must as adults, do they need a degree to learn something so basic and trivial as boiling yam or frying potatoes?
Priorities.
My girlfriends growing up could all Cook, clean and wash at 16, yet it didn't change their lives or stopped me from breaking up with them and I'm supposed to give my girls headache because they can't fry plantain without burning it?
I rather worry about STEM education for them, what programming skills they are acquiring or computer programme they are learning. I have to focus on the kind of information they are processing from school, media, TV, the society and me, I will not bother about how well they can Cook and clean because they are girls so they can be fit and proper for one useless boy that can't even cook indomie, why, because it's a man's world?
God forbid. My daughters will grow up knowing it's a humans world, a world for both man and woman not one gender only. I won't force feminism on them either, if they want to be feminists, fine but I will let them know they don't need to feel superior over one gender to feel important and they should strive to be the head in every sphere and field they aspire to and not be intimidated because they don't possess a dick.
So if the man is lazy and stupid, then it's up to her to save the day by stepping up not stepping in, she's in already, they are all.
Girl child has as much right as the boy, we don't train them to raise the boys, NO!
That's why we have so many men as babies and girls as mothers.
We give them equal rights and opportunities and who fly's best builds first.
That's my own parenting method, develop yours.
Lastly I'm not a father yet, but if I was, sorry, not if but when I become a father this is how I will raise my kids, preferably girls. This is exactly how I will train my children. All these stories happened in my head because I am a storyteller.
Thank you for reading, hope you learnt something useful, if you didn't, write your own article and form your own story.
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