GUILT

                       

GUILT

I thought it was the right thing to do then, I had no idea what was happening I felt it was one of those everyday occurrences and I didn’t wanna be a victim anymore. 

I’m sorry I hurt you so much, if there was a chance to turn back the hands of time, I will gladly and desperately do it.

I am going to keep apologizing until even I can forgive myself, how do I expect forgiveness from you, when I can’t even forgive myself for what I did to you. 

I read the message again for the tenth time and then I deleted it again, unable to send it.

I rolled from the bed to the floor and squeezed my phone so tight my knuckles almost turned red. What can one say to a heart that has been broken and shattered into a thousand pieces, words can never be enough to apologize to her for the pain and embarrassment I caused her, what is wrong with me, what was I thinking. Oh Gosh, I held my head with my hands and screamed at the top of my lungs. I’m so stupid so stupid so fucking stupid.

Seven days earlier…

I boarded a bus from ShopRite bus stop at the mainland heading to Obalende, I was the third passenger to enter the bus and so I chose the first roll behind the driver and sat by the window, my favorite position whenever I am riding in a bus because of the view and the breeze. Soon after the passengers started trooping in at each bus stop until the bus was filled to capacity, and then with it came my usual panic and apprehension.

I have been a victim of pickpockets twice in my life and both experiences were in my adulthood here in Lagos, now I was paranoid to the point of insanity.

Usually the first thing I do whenever I’m inside a bus is to monitor and observe my space, usually the person seated behind me, and so the moment I checked and it was a lady, I was relieved a little.

Hey it still didn’t stop me from being overly conscious and repeatedly touching my back pocket for assurances that my wallet was still intact.

After paying and collecting my change from the conductor, I put my earpiece on and started my normal ritual of playing all my favorite songs on my playlist with my Galaxy Phone, it seemed I drifted away to the sweet melody of the music, oblivious to the noise in the bus and the smell associated with the streets of Lagos State, when suddenly I felt a nudge on my buttocks and my instincts instantly became alert. I froze, trying to ascertain if it was someone’s knees nudging my back from behind or a hand trying to bring my worst nightmare to reality.

The nudge came again, this time around the hand was groping for my pocket, I was so shocked at first I had to summon up courage just to switch off my music and pay attention to my surroundings, and then I felt it so real this time around. It was indeed a hand inside my pocket. Instantly I reacted, grabbing and squeezing the hand with all my strength.

Thief! Ole! I screamed. Turning back I saw the young lady totally and utterly shocked at being caught red handed.

“Wetin happen? wetin be that?” The passengers asked confused. 

“Who be that inside my bus, who be that ooo?” The driver thundered from the driving seat, turning back to figure out what the problem was.

“Driver face your front o, abeg. Driver focus for road abeg na bridge we dey.” Different voices kept sounding out.

“Thief, you were trying to steal my wallet, are you not ashamed of yourself? I asked enraged as her silence confirmed her guilt.

She attempted to steal my money.” I answered the faces around me, all asking the same questions in different voices. 

“Guy you sure? The conductor asked. How this fine girl like this go be thief”

“Them dey write am for face?  The elderly woman beside me asked. Hissing loudly. Oleburuku.  Na asewo she be na, you no see her cloth.”

“Kai! the first time I enter the bus, as soon as I see her I just know say this one no be ordinary human being” another voice spoke from behind.

“All this fine girls, na thieves them be finish, them just fine for nothing.”

“So wetin we go do her now, make we burn am?”

“Ha, mogbe o! Finally she screamed. I am not a thief please. Please don’t kill me I am not a thief. Ahhh mummy o!” She wailed. 

I almost felt sorry for her. “Shut up there! The conductor roared. No be you I carry one night wey no pay. If you talk again now I go push you from this bus now. Ole, oloshi. Na so them go just dey use witchcraft they deceive and destroy men anyhow. God don catch you today.” He spat out.

“Please it’s enough let’s not result to jungle justice here, we are not animals neither are we barbarians. We are civilized people and so let us act like one.” The man in suit sitting beside her spoke.

“Omoilewe! Professor, shut up there what do you know. Abi na the two of una plan am sef.” The elderly woman spoke again.

“What do you mean by that madam, I won’t take such accusations from you, and I demand an apology this instant.”

“Na craze dey worry you, you hear.” She replied hissing loudly.

“Let’s just report her to the cops instead, after all she didn’t succeed” A young girl sitting with a guy I believed was her boyfriend spoke up timidly.

“Cop ko plate ni. The conductor replied. Abegi make I hear word for here. Everybody wan speak English”

“Hey illiterate watch it, don’t talk to her like that.” The boy defended her. Now I knew he was her boyfriend for sure.

“Please I am not a thief, please” by now she was crying really hard and so I felt really bad for her so I spoke up.

“It’s okay please, no harm done; I believe she has learnt her lesson. Next time you might not be this lucky. Beautiful girl like you reducing yourself to a common thief, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Thank you young man, you are truly a generous and responsible lad” The man on suit spoke again.

“Hisssssssss! Woman wrapper.  The elderly woman attacked him again. Why are you thanking him on her behalf, you think I didn’t see the way you have been looking at her.” 

“You no go die better if you don’t shut up and mind your business. How could you have seen such from the front seat? Liar!”

“Ahh ahh oga. I thought you were a gentle man na, why such language.” Someone else replied and before he could respond.

“Obalende o!” the conductor shouted. 

“Owaaaaa o!” several voices echoed. And so we all jumped down and as I looked, she hurriedly walked away with tears dropping down her eyes, she boarded a bike immediately she saw one and he drove off in speed as if he knew what she was running away from.

*************************************************

Later in the evening after work, I got home tired and hungry. As I fell on the couch, I emptied the contents of my pockets and it was then I saw it. A piece of paper folded neatly, surprised and curios, I opened it and read the contents.

“Hi handsome, I’m Jumoke. I usually don’t do this but I can’t help myself 2day, I’m very shy, so I can’t speak to u not inside this bus anyways. Please call me on this number 080******46 so we could chat.

I’ll be expecting ur call. Don’t mind my writing, u know d bus is moving. Bye.

It was then it dawned on me. She wasn’t picking my pocket as I suspected; she was giving me her number.

What can one say to such a person wronged this way?

Someone please help me out.

Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

Authorpreneur