In a Keke between two men
On my right hand, sits an elderly well dressed man with glasses, old newspaper and a black nylon bag.
On my left, sits a younger man, with dreds, an earring and a torn jeans.
The elderly man is peering at the side where he sits with so much interest, I can't help glancing at his bald head on a red face cap just to try and see what he is staring at.
The younger guy doesn't really interest me.
He chewed his gum with reckless abandon and pressed his phone, smiling and recording short voice messages from time to time.
The other occupants are the driver and the male passenger in front.
Both doesn't interest me in the least, probably because they are men and they are out of my touch zone.
We are stuck in traffic so the Keke moves at a snail's pace.
Passengers walk by, some we meet up with, while others are lost forever.
A young girl walks by, probably in her late teens or early twenties.
Swaying her hips, wearing a tight black gown, very short, hugging her body tightly and amplifying her figure while she tries unsuccessfully to drag it down.
She walks past us by the side of the road facing the elderly man.
Small round ass pushes out against the tight gown, her breasts is quite big and her waist is tiny giving her shape a fishlike structure.
Quite pleasant to behold!
"Baby girl, how are you!"
Grandpa calls out to my surprise and I believe that of everyone of us gentlemen in the keke.
She ignores and keeps moving while our Keke is on a standstill due to the traffic situation.
Soon we catch up with her again and this time our Keke is so close grandpa actually stretches and touched her hand.
"Fine girl I'm talking to you, happy new year."
She turns and slaps his hand violently then gives the longest hiss ever and crosses the road.
Silence in the keke
Then grandpa says
"All these small girls, already useless at this age. See what that one was wearing and I was only trying to call her attention to dress well, eh, and see how she slapped and hissed at me, why now?"
Silence again
Then grandpa taps me
"My son I'm asking, will you allow your younger sister dress like that?"
I looked at him squarely in the face and replied.
"I am not your son, and I don't understand average."
"Eh, you say wetin?" Grandpa asked clearly out of his depth.
I repeated slowly this time.
"I said I don't understand basic and I am not your son, don't tap me again if you want to survive 2020"
He turned to the other guy by my right, the dred lock guy and asked him. "What is he talking about?"
The young guy looked at him with the same disgusted look I gave him and replied.
"He said he doesn't understand stupid."
Laughter from the driver and the other passenger in front who turned to see the drama happening at the back.
"What, so you children are insulting me eh, children of nowadays, no respect at all. I am the one you are calling average, basic and stupid, eh!"
"Owaa o!" I said, then dropped and paid my fare.
The young guy on dreds dropped too and paid.
We began moving towards the same direction.
I looked at him and I said to myself, looks indeed can be deceptive.
I would have expected such uncouth and uncivilized attitude from this guy because of the dred locks he had on his head, the earring and the torn jeans, yet he put up a more decent and responsible character unlike the elderly well dressed, smart looking, newspaper holding grandpa who turned out to be the stray street dog in the narrative.
"Imagine that old fool, the young guy says to me. Trying out his sick old moves on that fine chic, a move I expected you to make, not him."
I frowned in surprise
Did I just hear this guy say a move he expected me to make.
He chuckled and continued
"Bro, we got to do something fast o, before these old gizzards steal all the fine chicks from us, leaving us with their wives."
He cackled with his brown teeth showing.
"Abi, what do you think?"
The nerve of this boy, he was actually waiting for a response.
So I stopped and then he stopped too, waiting, then I turned, faced him and regarded him for like five or six seconds then replied.
"Sorry, I don't understand stupid."
Then I crossed the road and continued on my way.
Lagos, land of simpletons and average minded inhumans.
But I am above average, we are not the same. I repeat we are not the same.
Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
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