Parents Raise Children not Gladiators

I don't know who needs to hear this or how many times I have to say it, but our  Nigerian parents need to realize that they have been wrong in their patenting style for so long and if they keep building a hostile and prison-like parenting structure, where their kids are more of inmates and asylum seekers instead of children, they and the future generation will be the ones suffering for a crime they knew nothing about.

As long as you train your kids like a boxing trainer does or like a coach trains their boxer, they will grow up seeing life as a boxing ring and sooner or later, knock you out.

Most of these kids, grow up traumatized by a childhood filled with unnecessary screams, verbal abuse and even physical abuse from parents and even the environment that never came to their aid or rescue but judged them continuously.

The violence they wore like a badge will always stick to their bodies like tattoos even in their adulthood, and will influence every choice and decision they make.

This is why when these kids grow up, they continue the cycle of hostility they experienced and pour this wrath like oil, on the heads of their own kids thinking by emulating the steps their parents took in raising them, they are being good parents. Capital No!

There is a limit to the extent of lie you can tell as a parent, and so much hate and violence you can sweep under the rug both with your actions or words.

This is why I won't raise children but friends.

I won't use the manual my parents used neither will I copy the textbooks that have been passed down from generations to generations, masking as culture and tradition. Fuck these two clichés, custom and tradition are the biggest criminals and evils of modern day society...but guess who the real devil is, the king of these two evils, the mighty evil of these lesser evils...RELIGION!

That is a topic for another day.

I will train Children not gladiators, life isn't survivor of the fittest anymore but survivor of the most loved.

Let them make decisions, informed and intelligent choices from their relationship with me.

One devoid of shouts, abuses, judgements floggings, arguments and FEAR!

I have learnt from my neighbor who never stops beating and insulting their children everyday, yet when they go to work, these children sit on the laps of the boys in the street and kiss voraciously, while the boys scale the fence to go steal or hide and smoke all manner of hard drugs.

I have learnt from the mother whose military style parenting did not stop her underage daughter from getting pregnant.

I have learnt from the pastor whose holy and heavenly style parenting did not stop his son from becoming the capon of a cult in school.

Nigerian parents are never wrong in the eyes of the society and man.

They walk with their shoulders raised high like Jesus and act swifty bringing judgement down with thunder and lightning like God.

But by God, they are the most deceived, ignorant and confused bunch.

Your parenting style is wrong, outdated, barbaric and isn't working. Upgrade your parenting technique.
It's a digital era, even phones are now smart not to talk of human beings.

Stop being a fool in a smartworld.

Accept you are wrong and say sorry to your child when she/he shows you your error.

Accept condemnation too from your children when you fuck up, because you will fuck up. You are not God neither are you above mistakes.

You are not superman with a wing in his back, you are papa Emeka and Mama Ngozi.

You are prone to mistakes and it's fine, you are human, we all are.

What is wrong is the fear of acceptance in the presence of a child because you feel that child will lose respect for you. They won't, every child worships their parent until such a time they grow up and realise they don't need to worship you anymore and start loving you better, because love is the best kind of worship.

Stop the emotional blackmail

I will be the simplest father in the world.

I will roll with my children like their mate and if they spoil, let them spoil not for lack of love and kindness but because they didn't know better.

I don't want to be an obligation to my children, I don't want to be a chore to them they must fulfil.

I want to be a necessity to them.

I want to be a reason to keep going.

I want to be their addiction but a good and positive kind.

I want to be their friend, annoying sometimes but a loyal and good friend who always gat their back even more then a brother/sister.

Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
Authorpreneur