"Shift make you no sit ontop" he said in a rude and hoarse way. I understood his kind of person because drivers and conductors all act in a similar violent manner, like being violent, rude, aggressive and animalistic is part of the job description of a driver or a conductor.
"I'm more interested in that whitish stuff staining my jeans." Calmly and smiling, I responded as I adjusted in the seat.
"Oga talk to am with respect, no be your son or your pikin, no be you born am." My brother in-law defended my honor.
Shocked the conductor replied.
"Oga wetin I talk now wey make you dey talk like this, oga you get problem o." He said.
"He doesn't have any problem." I replied in his defense.
"Na you get problem, you no see the way you talk to am, this early morning as if una dey quarrel before." My brother in-law raged.
"Ha, na wa o. See me see wahala. Abeg una carry me for mind today?" The conductor asked looking bemused even though he wasn't amused.
Shaking my head and smiling sarcastically, I replied. "Isn't it funny "that the exact tone of voice you addressed me with is being used on you and it makes you uncomfortable. You talked to me in the same manner he is talking to you now and you are offended, what an irony."
"Yes o," the passengers sided with me.
"Tell them." Another added
"Being rude and arrogant is in their DNA" one woman said.
"Abeg, abeg abeg e don do just package my money sharp sharp." He sulked.
"You are just asking bro and nobody said they weren't gonna pay." I spoke still smiling in a sarcastic way determined not to allow this thin demon get under my skin and teach him a lesson on being polite by being polite despite his animalistic behavior.
"Say please" another passenger said laughing and everyone in the bus laughed including the conductor.
It was then I noticed the beautiful girl sitting behind me, she was everything this romance writers and novelists usually describe in their books. Although she was sitting down but you could tell she was tall, her upper body was full and her breasts were bursting out from the tight top she wore, she wore her smile like a Queen and her hair was braided so long with different shades of black and white just like her eyes. She turned and caught me staring then smiled and I couldn't smile Immediately because my throat suddenly went dry.
"Julius, hope you have called ahead to inform her we are on our way?" My brother in-law asked.
When I didn't respond he shoved me in my ribs, just a slight jab.
"Asewo na woman you dey look like this, you don even loss inside bus." He smiled
"No bros I heard you, I was looking at one church banner we just passed." I replied defensively
The guys sitting close to us laughed.
I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation going on at the backseat where the girl sat, it was between she and one guy with dreadlocks, thin, dark and ugly from where I sat.
"I'll be going to Kenya for my studies, I'm just processing the last details now and by this time next month, I'll be in Kenya." He said with an air of confidence, I was thinking is it not the same Kenya in Africa or is there another Kenya in Europe or America?
"Wow, that's amazing. So what course are you going to study?" Even her voice sounded like music as she was obviously delighted and desperate to know more.
"International marketing, although I would have preferred to study here and sing music but my parents are insisting I leave Nigeria because of strike and well, you know the gist of this country." He said matter of fact like he has rehearsed this response and used it over and over again.
"Imagine," she looked at him shocked, "How can you be arguing with your parents about leaving this god forsaken country, you are very lucky, if I have my way I will just disappear from this country and never come back." She replied.
"Abeg o, Nigeria is not god forsaken, you can go to Ghana if you really want to leave, it's not far." One nosy passenger interrupted their conversation.
"Ghana far sef, Cotonou dey sef, you fit just run go escape." Another passenger added.
I took the cue to address the issue and talk to my crush by defending her.
"Nigeria is the anus of the world that's why we keep producing shit. So my dear, don't worry just plan and dedicate your time and with the right connection you will definitely travel out."
"True talk" my bro in-law said laughing
The whole bus laughed at that description and then a heated argument ensued between people who agreed with my description of Nigeria and those who opposed. The young guy and the girl continued gisting nevertheless.
"If you hustle hard enough your hustle will pay and with the right friends, you don't have any problems." the boy said.
"I have been hustling since I finished secondary school and nothing to show for it. I wish I can just follow you to Kenya." She said smiling.
"Life could be worse over there you know, just learn a skill and improve on it. School is not the overall solution, hone your skill and I bet you with the right training and opportunity you will break out of the jinx and statistic's of the poor and unemployed." I replied trying to impress with my grammar.
"Me I am travelling to a better country joor, after my school I will travel to Europe for my masters and make money whole doing it. I was not born to suffer I won't work any hard in an already hardened country, I rather hustle hard in an easy country than hard in a hard country." The boy replied.
"I agree with you the girl said." Nigeria is a killer of dreams and I'm not ready to suffer." Conductor I'll alight at the next bus stop." The girl said.
I had to make my move, it was now or never, I was a little bit embarrassed because it was a crowded bus but if I don't ask her now, I might miss this opportunity for a bunch of strangers who would probably not even remember or recognise me.
"Can I have your number?" she asked smiling.
I was dumbfounded.
"Of course, here let me type it for you and flash my phone." The boy replied.
"Ok thanks, she said. I'll call you." She finished
"Can I have your number also I blurted, I would love to teach you how to be better and well equipped with the right knowledge to pursue your dreams and aspirations. You don't need to travel overseas to realize your ambitions, you can attain the peak of your dreams here and I'll goad you towards the right directions." I blurted out and suddenly the whole bus was quiet.
"No thanks, I'm good. Don't worry about my number, I don't give it out just like that." She said.
"But you just asked that guy for his number." I heard myself asking perplexed. My brother in-law pinched me but I wasn't having it.
"Yes, he is going to Kenya and you are not." She said and then came down as the bus had stopped at the bus stop she called out. "I don't do local." she called out from the Window. The whole bus was as silent as a grace yard. Then the conductor started singing, "Amaka disappoint me, nyerege confusion, Amaka disappoint me, nyokem confusion o."
I looked back and found the guy smiling and adjusting his earpiece, my bro in-law was laughing too and then the guy next too me patted me on the back and said. "Lagos girls, them smart pass smart phones, them dey see the future with their eye."
"Yes o," another passenger said the fastest ticket out of poverty is Visa, it doesn't matter where you are going to." He concluded.
"Shut up there, Lagos girls do wetin, them tell you say all girls na the same?" One female passenger attacked the guy.
Shamefaced I couldn't even look up as the passengers all started discussing my embarrassment.
"I am telling you, they don't care whether you are intelligent or have a bright future, once they see somebody travelling out or living overseas, forget it no hope for you. See this poor guy now, despite all the grammar he dey speak and the suit he wear she reject am for this young bobo here and na she even ask for his number." Another passenger added and everyone in the bus laughed but the conductor laughed the loudest and longest.
"Learn to shoot your shot properly and if it's your day it's your day, your income has nothing to do with the outcome." Another girl replied laughing.
"Sister you lie o, I am a woman and your income determines your outcome with me" another woman who looked married probably because she was very fat with bleached skin and tattoo responded.
Then finally the young guy removed his earpiece and replied. "My brother, it is better to be a Dangote than a Soyinka, grammar won't take you where hummer will and my brother to buy the hummer you must travel to America." He said smiling. "Conductor I'll stop here."
"Guy you are going to Kenya not America." I said.
"To a Lagos girl my guy they are all the same." With that he came down and my brother in-law looking at me shook his head and said,
"Julius, we don pass our junction."
Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
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