Twice I witnessed this sad but common scenario among our mothers and it broke my heart to say the least.
The first time I witnessed it, a little child was holding ice cream and playing with a group of other little kids , five in number or so when suddenly this other child came out from nowhere and joined the gang, seeing the child holding the ice cream, she lounged forward and tried to grab the ice cream from the owner and when the owner refused and moved away, she screamed and started rolling on the floor crying her lungs out and immediately the mother rushed out, and the first words that came out of her mouth was, “Eniola, who beat you, answer me who beat you?” and the crying child pointed at the owner of the ice-cream and that was how a huge fight began as the mother of Eniola started accusing and insulting the innocent child and his mother of beating her child because they can afford ice cream and thinks she can’t for her child.
The next time it was a different mother and this time it was over a plate of rice, a mother served her children a plate of rice outside and a neighbor’s daughter, favour came out and saw them eating, when she begged them to give her some and they refused, she slapped one of them and the other sibling retaliated and slapped her back and that was how she started wailing, immediately the mother rushed out and of course her next words were, “Favour, who beat you, tell me who beat my pikin?” She started screaming and trust children to be mischievous, favour pointed at the children that were eaten, if not for the timely intervention of the neighbors who witnessed the whole incident, the bad mother of favour would have descended on the two innocent children who were simply eating lunch. Yes I called her a bad mother because that is purely bad parenting. I understand the basic instinct of a mother to try and protect her kids as being the natural order of things, but when you ignorantly endanger other people’s kids just to selfishly protect and defend yours without getting all your facts right, you are a bad parent.
The smart question to ask is, “Why are you crying?” and not “who beat you?” but majority of our parents have failed in this simple test, they claim to know their kids yet act otherwise when their kids act up in public. A child that will beg and cry when their demands are not met is either a problematic child or has poor home training and must have exhibited such traits several times at home to the knowledge of the parents, therefore the parents of that child must know that their child throws tantrums when their needs are not immediately met and should proceed with caution when the child displays such uncanny and mischievous characteristics outside.
A smart parent will ask other children or adults around the simple question, “what’s wrong or why is he/she crying?” You don’t just assume the child was beaten or bullied all the time because there are a thousand and one reasons that will make a child cry especially in the midst of other children, but a bad parent will always ask the child, “who beat you?” forgetting the age old proverb in parenting which is, ‘in Nigeria the child belongs to both the parents and the community’ because even if your child is spanked by a well-meaning neighbor or relative, don’t let your first reaction be that of hostility or hate towards that person but try to find out why they disciplined your child because whether we accept it or not, at some point we all have raised our hands to beat someone’s child for being naughty, those that haven’t physically done it yet have done it in their minds.
Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
Authorpreneur
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